How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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