SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
