right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
