never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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