you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
