I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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