The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize