I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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