I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
