tell your sister to shave her snatch
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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