Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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