According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
