The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
