i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
