are you still at the devil's house?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
