i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
