We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
