you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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