Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
