he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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