he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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