If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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