I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
