He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
