Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
