woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
