You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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