if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
no you cant smoke seaweed
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
