So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
