Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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