your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize