Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she peed on how many people?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
