I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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