last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
