the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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