I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Enjoy the penises
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
