Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
