Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
