the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize