i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize