She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
