I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I can't turn off my feet"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
