hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
