Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize