I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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