I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
it's not cheating when I paid for it
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize