it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
