seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
