so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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