There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
