guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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