you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
