This house was built for laser tag.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize
