elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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