Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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