I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
