Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
