i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
