I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
