dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
