I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize