If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
