Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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