update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
