so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
