I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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