I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize