I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
