I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize