haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
