This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
