what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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